A not-so-well kept 'Secret,' unfortunately

There aren't enough scantily-clad and attractive women, dick jokes and interesting vantage points to save the abomination that is Secret Girlfriend, on Comedy Central.

Comedy Central has put out some good and critically acclaimed shows in the past -- South Park, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Chappelle's Show -- because they have brilliant writing, tackle issues and are actually, funny. Fancy that, a funny show on a networked dubbed Comedy Central.

Secret Girlfriend, however, is none of that -- especially funny.

First of all, the protagonist is a faceless 20-something male, as the first-person view point is to be shared by the show's audience.

The faceless man is flanked by two lackeys, Phil and Sam, who are both roughly the same age with only one thing on their mind: Sex.

A psychotic ex-girlfriend, Mandy, chases you throughout the episode, basically imposing her will on you while you're interested in another woman, Jessica, who is significantly less insane than Mandy.

What ensues is 11 minutes of beautiful women not wearing much, jokes about sex and sex acts and a psychotic ex-girlfriend constantly loving and at the same time, hating the main character, the viewer. Then the show rinses and repeats for another 11 minutes.

Critics have described the show as back-to-back 11-minute episodes, similar to that of a Saturday morning cartoon. Perhaps that should have been the target audience for this poor excuse for a TV show.

The show was developed from a Web series of the same moniker.

A TV show with good-looking women, cleavage galore and essentially soft-core pornography -- sounds like a recipe for success, no?

No, actually.

The only thing Secret Girlfriend will accomplish is to get men (anywhere from adolescence to college-age to middle-age) to watch the women in revealing outfits and bikinis until they remember the Internet exists, where there are millions of provocative pictures of women just a few clicks of the mouse away.

The format of this show is rare, and has some potential, but that's about it. As an avid first-person video gamer, I can relate to that aspect of the show. However, said potential is limited.

Comedy Central has a (poor) history of green-lighting shows that are doomed from the beginning due to poor writing, a poor premise or poor acting; and sometimes all of the above. Secret Girlfriend is such a show.

Girlfriend takes no chances, other than the occasional partial nudity, and markets itself as 22 minutes of tits and ass. Even the promotions and commercials for this show are lame. I'd like to think we're a little more sophisticated than that in America. However, I'm constantly surprised by many things in this country. It is clear that the show recognizes what sells, but that still won't be enough to have this show reach its second birthday... or even half-birthday.

Lest we forget, this is Comedy Central, which is not exactly the benchmark when it comes to TV excellence. Needless to say, there are some great shows on the network.

There have been other shows that focus on sex and sexuality, but this show does so in such a poor fashion that it is unappealing and trite.

Perhaps this show should have remained a 'Secret.'

1/5 Stars, and that's being generous.

As the McCourts Turn

Divorce is a something that usually effects young people. Granted, divorce can happen at any age, but it is personified greatly when it involves a multi-million dollar Major League Baseball franchise.

Frank McCourt owns the Los Angeles Dodgers. Shortly before the beginning of the National League Championship Series, news broke that he and his bride, Jamie, were going to divorce.

Not a big deal for a blue-collar mom and dad, but a huge deal for the owners of a baseball team.

Forbes estimated the Dodgers' worth to be $722 million in April 2009.

This separation is likely to adversely effect the Dodgers' abilities come this off-season.

Take the San Diego Padres, for instance. Former Padres' owner, John Moores, announced he was divorcing his wife, which prompted the Padres to make a lot of cost-cutting moves.

The Padres didn't sign any big-name free agents before last season, traded their ace at the end of July in Jake Peavy and did not re-sign the face of the franchise -- Trevor Hoffman -- who signed with the Milwaukee Brewers. They also toyed with trading their best player, Adrian Gonzalez, who is extremely cost-effective for the next two seasons: $4.75 million in 2010 and $5.5 million in 2011. If Gonzalez were to hit the free agent market right now, he'd likely command a contract of $18-20 million annually for no less than five years.

The Padres were eventually sold to Jeff Moorad's investment group.

Point being, the McCourt's divorce proceedings will hamper the Dodgers. There won't be any ace starting pitchers signed (John Lackey); there won't be a lot of salary to take on from trades (Roy Halladay); there won't be a whole lot different from the current roster.

Frank McCourt has already been criticized for being cheap in the past. With him having to possibly give half of his estate to his soon-to-be ex-wife, there is absolutely not way he's going to take a lot of salary.

When McCourt bought the team in 2004, a similar situation presented itself. The Dodgers were all set to sign the biggest free agent on the market that winter -- Vladimir Guererro -- but with the FOX ownership group in the process of selling the team, the Dodgers had to hold off on any big signings.

Guererro ended up signing with the Anaheim Angels, the Dodgers' regional American League Rival. All Guererro ended up doing in 2004 was leading the Angels to the playoffs and winning the AL Most Valuable Player award.

It's unfortunate the McCourts will not put the good of the team before their personal squabbles. If they had any decency, they'd sell the team as soon as possible and leave the personal issues for the courts to decide.

So, it will definitely be an interesting in La La Land. The Dodgers will have to go the way of the Pittsburgh Pirates or Kansas City Royals to get anything done this off-season.

I'm not getting my hopes up for any big moves, but stranger things have happened. Maybe the McCourts will get wise to the situation, sell the team and save the Dodger fans from a winter of drama.

Not likely.

Columnist Profile: Jon Weisman

Every true Los Angeles Dodger fan's dream is to some how, some way meet or have a chance to meet a living legend -- Vincent Edward Scully. Lord knows it's my dream.

Not only did Jon Weisman meet the man affectionately known as "Vin," he had the privilege of writing a column about Scully on Sports Illustrated's Web site just over two years ago.

Weisman, 41, was kind enough to reply to some e-mail questions.

When asked about his favorite piece, he recalls the afore mentioned Scully column.

"I do enjoy thinking about a column I wrote about Vin Scully for SI.com, when I compared his call of a game in the late 1960s to his call of a game 40 years later," Weisman said.

Weisman (left) writes a blog, Dodger Thoughts, for the Los Angeles Times. However, it did not start as a Times' blog.

"I was just doing my own thing," Weisman said. "After a few years, when the site showed some real growth, it didn't seem quite so unlikely. But it wasn't my be-all, end-all ambition."

Dodger Thoughts, started by Weisman in June 2002, was picked up by the Times in February.

Weisman is no rookie when it comes to journalism, though.

"I sold my first story to the Los Angeles Times in 1986, while in college," Weisman said. "I did a detour into screenwriting for much of the 1990s, but I've done a lot of journalism work this decade."

Weisman, who attended Stanford University and Georgetown University, earned his bachelor's degree in American Studies in 1986 and master's degree in 1993, respectively.

Despite his passion for Dodger baseball, Weisman has been an associate features editor with Variety since September 2006 after doing freelance work for the publication for the previous three years.

However, he said he plans to stay in journalism for awhile, especially a paying job.

"My day job is as a features editor with Variety. I figure to remain in the business for some time; I haven't planned any major career shifts of anything."

Like many journalists, Weisman got started early.

"The very, very first thing, I believe, was I was asked to write an article for my high school newspaper on a production of a live Doonesbury show I was attending," he said. "I enjoyed doing that and looked for more assignments, and was committed to the newspaper for the rest of my high school and college life. I decided fairly early on in college that I wanted to be a sportswriter after graduation."

Weisman is the father of three children -- a daughter and two sons -- and is married.

As a life-long Dodger fan, like Jon, I am jealous and envious of his accomplishments. I hope to be able to lay claim to some similar accomplishments in my journalism career.

His most memorable moment, meeting Vin, was "unforgettable."

"It wasn't my best interview, but it was the one that had the most meaning for me."

I'm sure Weisman isn't the first, nor will he be the last journalist to utter a such a phrase.

If I may editorialize for a moment: Weisman is my favorite person to read when it comes to anything Dodgers. His insight, analysis and open-mindedness are a welcome change from his doppelganger L.A. Times' brethren.

Just look at this piece and you'll get my point.