A not-so-well kept 'Secret,' unfortunately

There aren't enough scantily-clad and attractive women, dick jokes and interesting vantage points to save the abomination that is Secret Girlfriend, on Comedy Central.

Comedy Central has put out some good and critically acclaimed shows in the past -- South Park, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Chappelle's Show -- because they have brilliant writing, tackle issues and are actually, funny. Fancy that, a funny show on a networked dubbed Comedy Central.

Secret Girlfriend, however, is none of that -- especially funny.

First of all, the protagonist is a faceless 20-something male, as the first-person view point is to be shared by the show's audience.

The faceless man is flanked by two lackeys, Phil and Sam, who are both roughly the same age with only one thing on their mind: Sex.

A psychotic ex-girlfriend, Mandy, chases you throughout the episode, basically imposing her will on you while you're interested in another woman, Jessica, who is significantly less insane than Mandy.

What ensues is 11 minutes of beautiful women not wearing much, jokes about sex and sex acts and a psychotic ex-girlfriend constantly loving and at the same time, hating the main character, the viewer. Then the show rinses and repeats for another 11 minutes.

Critics have described the show as back-to-back 11-minute episodes, similar to that of a Saturday morning cartoon. Perhaps that should have been the target audience for this poor excuse for a TV show.

The show was developed from a Web series of the same moniker.

A TV show with good-looking women, cleavage galore and essentially soft-core pornography -- sounds like a recipe for success, no?

No, actually.

The only thing Secret Girlfriend will accomplish is to get men (anywhere from adolescence to college-age to middle-age) to watch the women in revealing outfits and bikinis until they remember the Internet exists, where there are millions of provocative pictures of women just a few clicks of the mouse away.

The format of this show is rare, and has some potential, but that's about it. As an avid first-person video gamer, I can relate to that aspect of the show. However, said potential is limited.

Comedy Central has a (poor) history of green-lighting shows that are doomed from the beginning due to poor writing, a poor premise or poor acting; and sometimes all of the above. Secret Girlfriend is such a show.

Girlfriend takes no chances, other than the occasional partial nudity, and markets itself as 22 minutes of tits and ass. Even the promotions and commercials for this show are lame. I'd like to think we're a little more sophisticated than that in America. However, I'm constantly surprised by many things in this country. It is clear that the show recognizes what sells, but that still won't be enough to have this show reach its second birthday... or even half-birthday.

Lest we forget, this is Comedy Central, which is not exactly the benchmark when it comes to TV excellence. Needless to say, there are some great shows on the network.

There have been other shows that focus on sex and sexuality, but this show does so in such a poor fashion that it is unappealing and trite.

Perhaps this show should have remained a 'Secret.'

1/5 Stars, and that's being generous.

As the McCourts Turn

Divorce is a something that usually effects young people. Granted, divorce can happen at any age, but it is personified greatly when it involves a multi-million dollar Major League Baseball franchise.

Frank McCourt owns the Los Angeles Dodgers. Shortly before the beginning of the National League Championship Series, news broke that he and his bride, Jamie, were going to divorce.

Not a big deal for a blue-collar mom and dad, but a huge deal for the owners of a baseball team.

Forbes estimated the Dodgers' worth to be $722 million in April 2009.

This separation is likely to adversely effect the Dodgers' abilities come this off-season.

Take the San Diego Padres, for instance. Former Padres' owner, John Moores, announced he was divorcing his wife, which prompted the Padres to make a lot of cost-cutting moves.

The Padres didn't sign any big-name free agents before last season, traded their ace at the end of July in Jake Peavy and did not re-sign the face of the franchise -- Trevor Hoffman -- who signed with the Milwaukee Brewers. They also toyed with trading their best player, Adrian Gonzalez, who is extremely cost-effective for the next two seasons: $4.75 million in 2010 and $5.5 million in 2011. If Gonzalez were to hit the free agent market right now, he'd likely command a contract of $18-20 million annually for no less than five years.

The Padres were eventually sold to Jeff Moorad's investment group.

Point being, the McCourt's divorce proceedings will hamper the Dodgers. There won't be any ace starting pitchers signed (John Lackey); there won't be a lot of salary to take on from trades (Roy Halladay); there won't be a whole lot different from the current roster.

Frank McCourt has already been criticized for being cheap in the past. With him having to possibly give half of his estate to his soon-to-be ex-wife, there is absolutely not way he's going to take a lot of salary.

When McCourt bought the team in 2004, a similar situation presented itself. The Dodgers were all set to sign the biggest free agent on the market that winter -- Vladimir Guererro -- but with the FOX ownership group in the process of selling the team, the Dodgers had to hold off on any big signings.

Guererro ended up signing with the Anaheim Angels, the Dodgers' regional American League Rival. All Guererro ended up doing in 2004 was leading the Angels to the playoffs and winning the AL Most Valuable Player award.

It's unfortunate the McCourts will not put the good of the team before their personal squabbles. If they had any decency, they'd sell the team as soon as possible and leave the personal issues for the courts to decide.

So, it will definitely be an interesting in La La Land. The Dodgers will have to go the way of the Pittsburgh Pirates or Kansas City Royals to get anything done this off-season.

I'm not getting my hopes up for any big moves, but stranger things have happened. Maybe the McCourts will get wise to the situation, sell the team and save the Dodger fans from a winter of drama.

Not likely.

Columnist Profile: Jon Weisman

Every true Los Angeles Dodger fan's dream is to some how, some way meet or have a chance to meet a living legend -- Vincent Edward Scully. Lord knows it's my dream.

Not only did Jon Weisman meet the man affectionately known as "Vin," he had the privilege of writing a column about Scully on Sports Illustrated's Web site just over two years ago.

Weisman, 41, was kind enough to reply to some e-mail questions.

When asked about his favorite piece, he recalls the afore mentioned Scully column.

"I do enjoy thinking about a column I wrote about Vin Scully for SI.com, when I compared his call of a game in the late 1960s to his call of a game 40 years later," Weisman said.

Weisman (left) writes a blog, Dodger Thoughts, for the Los Angeles Times. However, it did not start as a Times' blog.

"I was just doing my own thing," Weisman said. "After a few years, when the site showed some real growth, it didn't seem quite so unlikely. But it wasn't my be-all, end-all ambition."

Dodger Thoughts, started by Weisman in June 2002, was picked up by the Times in February.

Weisman is no rookie when it comes to journalism, though.

"I sold my first story to the Los Angeles Times in 1986, while in college," Weisman said. "I did a detour into screenwriting for much of the 1990s, but I've done a lot of journalism work this decade."

Weisman, who attended Stanford University and Georgetown University, earned his bachelor's degree in American Studies in 1986 and master's degree in 1993, respectively.

Despite his passion for Dodger baseball, Weisman has been an associate features editor with Variety since September 2006 after doing freelance work for the publication for the previous three years.

However, he said he plans to stay in journalism for awhile, especially a paying job.

"My day job is as a features editor with Variety. I figure to remain in the business for some time; I haven't planned any major career shifts of anything."

Like many journalists, Weisman got started early.

"The very, very first thing, I believe, was I was asked to write an article for my high school newspaper on a production of a live Doonesbury show I was attending," he said. "I enjoyed doing that and looked for more assignments, and was committed to the newspaper for the rest of my high school and college life. I decided fairly early on in college that I wanted to be a sportswriter after graduation."

Weisman is the father of three children -- a daughter and two sons -- and is married.

As a life-long Dodger fan, like Jon, I am jealous and envious of his accomplishments. I hope to be able to lay claim to some similar accomplishments in my journalism career.

His most memorable moment, meeting Vin, was "unforgettable."

"It wasn't my best interview, but it was the one that had the most meaning for me."

I'm sure Weisman isn't the first, nor will he be the last journalist to utter a such a phrase.

If I may editorialize for a moment: Weisman is my favorite person to read when it comes to anything Dodgers. His insight, analysis and open-mindedness are a welcome change from his doppelganger L.A. Times' brethren.

Just look at this piece and you'll get my point.

Not a 'Habit' for me

The inside of The Habit, located at 7400 Laguna Blvd. in Elk Grove, Calif., was as expected -- a clean, homey hamburger joint.

Music was playing lightly in the background, only interrupted by the sound of, "Order No. 69 is ready." It was fairly busy at 12:30 p.m. on a Monday afternoon.

If only the burger had been as nice as the scenery.

The aesthetics of the restaurant is the potentially the best part about having a meal at the establishment, unfortunately.

The service was good, even if it was just the taking of the order and picking it up at the front. No complaints there.

On the menu: The Teriyaki Char -- a teriyaki burger.

The burger consisted of things you would expect to find in a teriyaki burger: Beef, swiss cheese, pineapple, lettuce and sauce. The burger also consisted of things you wouldn't expect to find: Tomato, pickles, mayonnaise and caramelized onions.

The tomato and pickles were the first thing to go, as they not only don't belong in a teriyaki burger, but they're not appetizing. The onions should have been next to go, but they were left to give the burger a chance to succeed.

Sadly, it did not.

As I bit into the burger, my hands were covered with teriyaki sauce, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. A messy burger is a sign of a good burger. Too bad it didn't make me forget about the mediocre, at best, burger.

The caramelized onions seemed really out of place in this burger. The onions seem to be a staple for The Habit (they come standard on every burger). Yet, they could have, and should have, been left off this burger.

The burger itself was on the small side. However, for the price, which wasn't terrible, you'd expect a larger burger.

Also, the combination of flavors didn't meld well together. It was cooked nicely, but just lacked a certain quality you would expect to find in a place that prides itself on burgers. A certain, "umph," if you will.

Caramelized Onions?!

There were some good points about the meal, though.

The teriyaki sauce was not a sauce you would find in a Japanese restaurant, but it worked quite well on this burger. It was sweet and was just tangy enough to enjoy. The toasted bun somewhat made made me forget about the burger's overall deficiencies, for a minute. The french fries were golden-brown, crunchy, salted well and delicious -- definitely the best part of the meal.

And finally, the price.

A Teriyaki Char, fries and a large soft drink is going to set you back $7.56 (in Elk Grove, Calif., at least). Not wallet-draining, but not super cheap, either.

Looks good, but looks can be deceiving

For my money, I'd rather grab a burger at Red Robin or a Western Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr.

However, it is awfully tough to beat restaurant-style french fries, especially when they're cooked as well as they are at The Habit.

I'd be willing to give The Habit another chance, but it would have to absolutely knock my socks off for me to give it a better review.

Mediocre seemed to be the word of the day when describing the eatery.

3 out of 5

Sac State ENS fails

Sacramento State is generally a safe campus. So when something like Wednesday's officer-involved shooting occurs, you'd think the Emergency Notification System would be put to use.

A 23-year-old Sac State student was beaten so severely that he later died at the hospital. The suspect, 19-year-old Quran Jones, also a Sac State student, was shot by police after he lunged at them with a knife. At this time, they were believed to be roommates, according to an article from the Sacramento Bee.

The incident occurred in the American River Courtyard, which just opened this semester.

However, no ENS message was sent to the Sac State students who have signed up for the service in a timely manner, despite the degree of Wednesday's events.

The ENS was instituted shortly after, and because of, the April 16, 2007 on-campus shooting at Virgina Tech.

According to the Sac State ENS portion of its Web site, "Examples of such events would be a campus shooting, bomb threat, hazardous materials spill, flood or fire."

A campus shooting -- the first event listed, yet the system was not put into action for the first time until two hours after the episode.

The first notification came at 4:31 p.m. in the form of an e-mail to SacLink e-mail accounts -- an e-mail account which might not be checked regularly. It said the suspect had been removed from campus.

To my surprise, I did not receive a text message about the incident unitl 10:22 p.m. -- approximately eight hours after the altercation had reportedly started. The message was to inform people that the campus was safe.

The text message I received at 10:22 p.m. on Oct. 21

But what about the message informing students, faculty and staff about what had happened?

Sac State officials didn't want to cause a panic among students, but this situation could have, and should have, been handled a lot better.

Case and point: Students received an ENS message on Oct. 13, alerting them that classes were on, as scheduled, despite the weather and some minor flooding.

If the rain and minor flooding are enough to get an ENS message sent out, then why didn't an officer-involved shooting and a violent beating, which ultimately ended up in the death of a Sac State student, get the same, if not more, exposure?

I found out about the incident on Facebook.

Yes, I said, "Facebook."

Having to find out about something of this magnitude via Facebook and not through the ENS is absolutely unacceptable.

The ENS is a tool that should be utilized to its fullest capacity. However, it shouldn't be abused. In my nearly two semesters at Sac State, I have received maybe two or three ENS notifications before today. And nothing was ever as significant as Wednesday's events.

The ENS is in place for a reason. Here's hoping Sac State officials use better judgment next time when decided whether to, or not to, issue an alert.

Better yet, here's hoping there won't be a next time.

Follow-up: Ng won't be GM in LA, SD

It looks as if Kim Ng will not be the next general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers or San Diego Padres.

The Dodgers signed current GM Ned Colletti to a long-term deal on Tuesday, while the Padres are "close" to naming Red Sox' assistant GM Jed Hoyer their successor to Kevin Towers.

Towers had been the Padre GM since 1995.

Hoyer, 35, worked under Theo Epstein in Boston and has worked for the Sox since 2002.

New Padre GM?

In my last column, I specifically named the Dodgers and Padres as potential teams that could hire Ng. With these moves, it looks as if she'll have to wait a little longer for a job.

A team needs to take a chance on Ng. She has great potential and it will never be fully reached unless she is given a shot to run a baseball team.

Ng should be the first female GM

Baseball has long since been known as a man's sport. Men play the game and men run the team.

Men will always play the game, but they may not always run the team.

Kim Ng, Los Angeles Dodger vice president and assistant general manager, interviewed for the San Diego Padre vacancy on Saturday.

Ng's expertise comes in the art of negotiation. Specifically, she handles the arbitration process for the Dodgers.

Arbitration is when players who have the necessary Major League experience cannot agree to a deal with his current club. So, both sides go through an arbiter to determine the contract the player will get in the next season.

The player wants a certain amount; the team offers an amount they deem fit. An arbiter rules for the side he sees fit. This is where Ng steps in for the Dodgers.

She has never lost an arbitration case. Granted, only two cases have gone to a hearing: Eric Gagne (2004) and Joe Beimel (2007). She is basically arguing for the team and against the player. She is not the only person to do this, as it is a common part of front office baseball.

However, it does say something about her abilities, as the Dodgers have had only two cases since 2004.

And the Dodgers are going to need her services, as many of their core players are eligible beginning this winter: Chad Billingsley, Matt Kemp, James Loney and Hong-Chih Kuo. Other players will be eligible for a second time: Jonathan Broxton, Russell Martin and George Sherrill.

Ng is definitely a hot prospect in the GM ranks. She interviewed for the Seattle Mariner opening in 2008 and if she does not get the Padre job, it won't be her last.

In fact, Dodger GM Ned Colletti has a mutual club option for 2010 that hasn't been picked up yet. Ng could be a candidate if the Dodgers decide to cut ties with Colletti.

Colletti has made some good moves: Acquiring Andre Ethier, Manny Ramirez, Orlando Hudson and Randy Wolf. He has also made some questionable, even bad, ones: Signing Jason Schmidt, Juan Pierre and Andruw Jones and trading away Carlos Santana.

However, it's hard to argue with three playoff appearances in four years, including back-to-back division titles in 2008-09 -- a Dodger first since 1977-78.

It might take some time for people to get over the stigma of a female GM, but Ng should and will be the first in any of the major sports. She has the credentials, performance, education and everything a team could want in a potential GM. She will not be able to prove her worth until she's given a chance, though.

Will the Padres give her the chance? Who knows? If she doesn't end up as the Dodger GM, she will get a GM job somewhere -- and the Dodgers' front office will have taken a big blow because of it.

Ng has paid her dues and it's time for her to be recognized for her hard work. A team will take what little chance there is to be taken, and that team will not be sorry.

Besides, what do the Padres have to lose? Aside from more baseball games, which they've been perfecting without Ng at the helm.